In light of the holiday season, I’ve decided to share some intimate gift ideas for the married couple.
But before I dig in to some cool toys and intimate enhancers, I want to remind you of one thing: I believe God designed sexual relations to be enjoyed between a man and a woman bonded in holy matrimony. It can be fun and exciting when both agree and communicate about what they want and what they don’t want.
I do believe there are questions that come up that husbands and wives want answered but are too afraid to ask. Like, is it ok to use sex toys? My cracked conclusion is Yes! With a big “IF”.
Here are three questions to ask if you are thinking about trying certain sexual things in the bedroom:
- Does it involve anyone else; in media or in person?
- Is it prohibited in the Bible?
- Is it beneficial to lovemaking and are both parties comfortable with the use of said item’s’?
I researched a bunch of different blogs, articles and have read several books regarding the use of “sex toys” and the “christian” marriage. What I have found is that married couples, regardless as to whether they are christian or not, do , in fact, enjoy sex and have, at some point, used various items to enhance their lovemaking. If the three questions asked above are no, no and yes, in that order, then my cracked conclusion is…… have at it!!!
So here is my list of 6 intimate toys that might make nice Christmas gifts between spouses: (Given in private of course.)
Lube ~ It is a known fact that women differ when it comes to vaginal lubrication. And sex can be painful when there is not enough lubrication during intercourse. In fact, Dyspareunia is the name for difficult and painful sex and occurs most commonly in post menopausal women due to hormonal changes.
My gift recommendation is Astroglide! My Ob-Gyn actually told my husband and I about Astroglide years ago after the birth of my first child. Moms know that when the “6 weeks of no intercourse after the baby is born” are over, hubby is going to be ready for action and sometimes it takes a while for the dryness and vaginal discomfort to subside after giving birth.
There are 3 types of lubricant: water based, silicon based and oil based. Anyone who cooks, and I’m referring to the kitchen, knows that oil can stain and is hard to remove from surfaces and material so oil base lubricants are not my recommendation. Water based lubricants are awesome because they clean up well from skin, sheets and towels and are readily available at most stores. They also come in flavors and warming gels.
Silicon based lubricant is also very good because it is silky smooth and hypoallergenic. The best thing about silicon lubricants is that they work great in water! So if bath time or hot tub time is something you and your spouse enjoy, a silicon based lubricant is the way to go.
Vibrators ~ Because most women don’t orgasm during intercourse, a vibrator can alleviate some of the hoops a couple has to jump through just to achieve climax at the same time. While climaxing at the same time does not always have to be the goal when making love, sometimes it’s fun to experiment with your spouse.
Vibrators have come a long way over the years, from the old clunky, dildo looking, devices to more portable, fun and compact pulsators. Some can even fit into your purse or pocket. I personally, have never used a vibrator. But I have friends who have and have often thought about purchasing one to use with my husband. If I were to give a vibrator a try, I would start with the Pleasurette Mini Waterproof Vibrator. The Pleasurette has three speeds, a velvety soft finish and comes in three colors. It’s only $20 making it an inexpensive way to experiment with the hubby.
If you are looking for something that allows you and your spouse to experience orgasm at the same time, the Big O Vibrating Penis Ring is worth a try. Evidently this little gadget sits on the base of the penis and stimulates the clitoris during intercourse. Genius!
Edibles ~ I remember when I was a kid, or maybe a junior higher, and hearing about edible underwear. Turns out, “Edible underwear was invented in 1975 by two young entrepreneurs from Chicago, David Sanderson and Lee Brady. They called their product ‘Candypants,’ and made about $150,000 a month in profit. Almost immediately, the garment became arguably the most divisive novelty item in American history.”
The idea of having some form of underwear that my husband can literally eat is, in and of itself, kind of intriguing. But at the same time, I think I’ve learned enough over the years to know that the reality of this being a pleasurable experience will never live up to the dream so I’m tempted to go with something a bit more practical than Edible Chocolate-Strawberry Thong Underwear.
Did you know that eating and mating are primordial urges? And that they both produce dopamine, which is the “pleasure” hormone? So while food can sometimes make us horny and sex can sometimes make us hungry, science has created a pleasurable combination with a lickable massage oil. Devour Me Lickable Body Oil is all natural, non sticky, and comes in 4 delicious flavors. A sweet almond oil base makes this massage oil “ecorotic”, meaning: it has no artificial sweeteners or colors. I love the fact that this incorporates making your partner feel good and yet the scent and taste can invoke pleasure for the husband and wife at the same time.
Anal Play ~ The jury is out when it comes to anal sex and anal play. Some believe anal play to be totally wrong and some think that if it’s shared between a married couple and both agree to pleasuring each other in this way then it’s ok. Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, in their book, Intimate Issues, explain that “the term sodomy is sometimes used to describe anal intercourse between a man and a woman but that this is not the meaning of the biblical word”………
“In the Old Testament, sodomy refers to men lying with men. The English word means ‘Unnatural sexual intercourse, especially of one man with another or of a human being with an animal.’ Unfortunately, some Christian teachers have erroneously equated sodomy with oral sex. In the Bible, sodomites refer to male homosexuals, or temple prostitutes (both male and female).”
Dr. Lewis Smedes says,
“The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in Scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other, you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.'”
Sheila Wray Gregoire, author of To Love, Honor and Vacuum, doesn’t recommend anal sex under any circumstance……
“Anal sex isn’t like vaginal sex. The anus and vagina are anatomically totally different, and it isn’t healthy. And much of the desire for it has been fuelled by porn, so that makes me nervous. I don’t believe it’s sinful, but I do believe that it falls under the heading, ‘Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.'”
My thoughts are this: If a husband and wife want to incorporate anal sex or anal play (think fingers) into their lovemaking then make sure both are willing, use lots of lubricant and be patient. No husband or wife should ever be forced, coerced, or manipulated into trying something they feel uncomfortable with.
With that said, anal plugs and beads are both designed to be inserted into the rectum for enhanced sexual pleasure. If you think this is something you want to try, just remember that the anus is a sensitive area, loaded with germs. Anything inserted into the anus should immediately be cleaned before using it again. This includes the penis. Never, ever, ever, have or even try anal sex and move into vaginal intercourse without thoroughly washing the penis first!!
Kinky and Role Playing ~ This is another area where in the incorporation of certain sexual practices are viewed as either right or wrong.
Dressing up or using costumes to create an atmosphere that gets a couple in the mood is really no different than having a colored light or music playing in the background. Everyone is different, and again, if both spouses are willing and comfortable with props, being blindfolded, or in costume then that is their choice.
Keep in mind….anything that degrades either men or women is NOT ok. Yes, God wants sex to be fun but humiliating a man or a woman is just not sexy so make sure whatever it is that you are engaging in is beneficial to both parties.
Sexy Negligee ~ I, personally, am not into fantasy wear or whips, chains and handcuffs. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things. If the husband and wife agree to role play and as I mentioned, if it goes along with the three things to consider that I wrote about at the beginning of this post, then go for it!
But when it comes to a beautiful peignoir, I am a sucker for chiffon and lace.
For sexy corsets and g-strings, I suggest Fredrick’s of Hollywood. They might be a little on the spendy side but they have some pretty, lacy, items that I think you’ll like. For something a little more revealing like peek-a-boo bras and crotchless underwear, try Bare Necessities. They have some unique teddies and sleepwear sets and their prices are fairly reasonable.
As much as I despise their catalog, Victoria Secret is the place to go if you’re looking for something along the line of Baby Doll Lingerie and Slips. For bridal sets and gorgeous nightgowns, you might want to take a look at Nordstrom. They have some beautiful, silky, lingerie with ribbons and lace that are made for romance.
I like vintage, baby doll sets. Like the ones they wore back in the 1950’s. Think Betty Draper. Unfortunately they just don’t make them like they used to and I have had to shop on Ebay to find the nighties that I like. But you can find them and they are fun to wear.
Whether you are retro or risky, conservative or role play, lingerie is one way to perhaps, bring some visual elements to the marriage bed. But not all men are interested in sexy nightgowns or crotchless panties. Some men just want to cut to the chase and bypass all the extra “stuff”. That is ok too. It’s all about communication.
Give something a try and see how it goes. Be open and honest with your spouse about how you feel about sex toys, lingerie and edible underwear. Discuss the three questions above and experiment with each other.
If you don’t want to buy anything then open a jar of peanut butter and get creative. Syrup doesn’t have to be limited to pancakes nor does honey make just tea taste good. I remember when I had a glass of champagne one time……….
If you are having doubts and are feeling inhibited consider the words of renowned Christian author and theologian, Dr Lewis Smedes:
“The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other, you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.'”