I have never been a fan of New Year’s resolutions. As a firstborn, I am a perfectionist so why set myself up for failure right?
But when it comes to marriage, there is just something about communicating more effectively, trying new things and pleasing our spouse that seem to go along with my series on Sex and Intimacy in Marriage and the beginning of a New Year.
So without further ado, here are five things that every married couple should resolve to try this year:
- Communication ~ Talk people! Don’t be shy, say what you mean and mean what you say. Tell your spouse what you like and what you don’t like. Take some time to explore each other’s bodies and ask your spouse if something feels good or would something else feel better. Be creative with your words. I’m not suggesting that you and your spouse “talk dirty” to each other. However, some people are extremely verbal and just the right words can really heat up the bedroom. Tell your spouse what you want to hear and what you don’t. And by all means, if your spouse says something that you don’t like, don’t take it personally. The goal here is communication. There is no right or wrong there is only connection when we are lovingly open and honest.
- Try Something New ~ Step out of your comfort zone and experiment. I know this is a tough one, since we all bring our own baggage into our relationships and sometimes that baggage keeps us from being free with our bodies. I would encourage you to take some baby steps and venture into the unknown. Perhaps try a flavored lubricant, or a new sexual position. If you’re used to the lights off, try having a light on. If you are unsure of how much light you want shining on your body, put a colored scarf over a bedside lamp for some added dimness and ambiance. I’ve talked about oral sex and sexual toys in my past posts and 2016 just might be a good time to surprise your spouse with the willingness to spice things up or try something you haven’t ever done before. Remember the three things to consider if you’re unsure as to whether or not something is ok in the bedroom….
- Does it involve anyone else; in media or in person?
- Is it prohibited in the Bible?
- Is it beneficial to lovemaking and are both parties comfortable with the use of said item’s
- Exercise ~ I am not suggesting that you lose weight or lift weights but did you know that whenever someone exercises, a hormone called Dopamine is released into the body? Dopamine is a pleasure chemical that is also associated with orgasms. Even just walking for 20 minutes a day will stimulate all kinds of hormone release that makes us healthier and happier and this is always good for our libido!
- Pray Together ~ Why is it that praying with our spouse is so much harder than having sex with our spouse? I’ve heard it said that praying with your spouse is the most intimate thing you can do in a marriage. Even more intimate than sex! Since this is not one of my stronger areas, I’ve turned to the experts…. Sheila Wray Gregorie has a great post that gives 10 Ways to Initiate Prayer with Your Spouse. My favorite is #8………”Put your Hand on his Shoulder in Bed and Pray”. You can do this out loud or silently. The key to praying with your spouse is consistency. That’s why it’s my cracked conclusion that setting aside a time to pray with your spouse is definitely one of the more important sexual resolutions that will enhance your marriage.
- Go Away Together ~ My husband and I have a lot of opportunities to go away together now that my kids are older. But that wasn’t always the case and when the kids were little it was hard to find the time and the funds to leave the house for any extended period of time. But I believe time alone is so important. By time alone, I mean, away from the house with no interruptions of any kind. No kids, no meals to make, no laundry to do, no work! Even if it’s just one night at a hotel down the street, it is so good for a husband and wife to take the time to be alone. If going to a hotel is something that is not in your budget, perhaps trading childcare for one night with a friend or neighbor would work. Or have grandma and grandpa take the kids so you are at least alone in your house. Do what you can to make the time to be alone for at least a 12-24 hour period. You will be surprised at how rejuvenated and connected you’ll both feel.
Have you made any New Year’s Resolutions when it comes to your marriage? Leave a comment below letting me know what you plan on doing different this year to make your marriage better. Or, if you have done something in the past that really enhanced the sex and intimacy in your marriage, leave a comment.
If these five New Year’s sexual resolutions seem like too much work, perhaps resolve to try a just a couple of them.
Make 2016 the best year for sex and intimacy in your marriage!